Am I Enough

Chronic feelings of emptiness. Constant feelings of dread.
Fear of failure always haungint me, worries swarming in my head.
Constantly feeling everything but never feeling enough.
Feeling I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough.

I feel my value is tied to an impossible measure to reach.
War is always raging inside me and new ways of thinking I can’t teach.
Learning comes slowly as I try to rewrite my thoughts.
And while the thoughts are slowly changing, the feelings do not.

It’s an insidiously engrained feeling of self-worth not being enough.
It stems from constant brainwashing during a childhood that was rough.
It’s backed by others’ perceptions when they judge me without understanding.
They only confirm my status of severly always lacking.

How to undo this pattern of feeling less than dirt?
How do I learn to believe my words that I have infinite worth?
I don’t have the asnwers, but I’ll continue to try to heal.
Hopefully someday soon these feelings will change, new feelings to seal.

Maybe I must brainwash myself with the same intensity that was pushed in the past.
But this time while feigning positive words and feelings until onday they finally last.
So, while I might not feel like I am enough in any sort of light.
Hopefully the beginning of a new way of feeling is in sight.

©2024 Stephanie Blomquist