WARNING – This poem speaks of spousal abuse. It was written five years to the day that I left my husband. The abuse was never extreme, but it was enough to make me fearful. Hopefully in sharing this, it will inspire others to live their lives free from abuse.
Five Years Ago Today
Five years ago today, my entire life fell apart.
As I stepped outside that door, I tore out my heart.
The fear was overwhelming, as it mocked me in the night.
A target was upon me, ever ready for a fight.
I fled away in terror; I could no longer stay.
A captive held in torment and uncertainty every day.
Ever subject to his anger, with outbursts at the whim.
Fear was ever-present, it was either ‘sink or swim’.
So, I took the plunge and into the dark I dove.
Passing mile after mile, farther still I drove.
I didn’t stop for hours, to a far locale I fled.
And when I stopped for the night, my seat became my bed.
But not a wink I slept; my anxiety was on high.
Surely, he would fid me. I knew that he would try.
The night was cold and quiet, with urgency in the air.
No friends that I could turn to, I just not even dare.
So, strangers took and housed me, and helped me get away.
The questions nearly drowned me, each and every day.
“Did I have no other choice?” “Was this the only path?”
“What else could I have done?” “Was I worthy of his wrath?”
“Maybe I was a failure, no good at anything.”
“Maybe I didn’t try hard enough” others’ words did ring.
I knew that I had done everything I could do as his wife,
To support him, love him, and respect him, but it wasn’t worth my life.
The longer that I stayed the more violent he became.
The mind games never ceased, as the cycles became plain.
But I was finally safe, and on my own now I was free.
But its taken quite a while to find and reclaim me.
Into a sea I fell, of emotions all a whirl.
Sanity seemed elusive, constantly my thoughts did swirl.
The deepness of this ocean did engulf me completely.
My freedom became my prison, from which I could not flee.
In time I began to heal, with power from above.
I began to see the truth, about control and about love.
My emotions became stable, and new strength I now had.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of, I’m on a better path.
So if you find yourself in the places I have been,
Know those behaviors are not real love, and you too can leaarn to swim.
You may not feel strong enough to take this final leap,
But the strength will come as you learn to stand alone upon your feet.
Don’t let others tell you what to think, or what path you should choose.
There is never a good reason to stay with someone that hurts you.
Know that you will make it and come out the other side.
What matters most is you don’t give up, and that you are still alive.
©2019 Stephanie Blomquist
