The Words My Mother Said

Have you heard your inner voice?
Is it kind and gentle toward your person?
Do you feel you even have a choice?
Are your thoughts ever forced by coercion?

Where do these thoughts come from?
The cruel words and bitter curses?
Insults make my heart grow numb.
Deeply etched in my skin are these verses.

“You are a disappointment and a failure.”
“You’ll never be good enough.”
The harsh statements within my heart stir.
Daily life is difficult and tough.

These words started with my mother.
She told me of my every wrong.
I wished as a child I could be another.
I wanted to be someone who belonged.

Her words became my inner voice.
I was such a tender age.
Now I can’t drown out the noise.
Filled with self-hatred and rage.

She told me she wanted to give me away.
Sometimes I wish I could die.
Nothing I do makes me want to stay.
My life seems like such a lie.

When the one who should protect you,
Is the one that causes harm,
It fucks you up through and through,
And sets your mind to constant alarm.

Everyone seems distant and fake.
Danger lurks behind every door.
How many insults can you take?
Certainly not many more.

Working long hours every day,
Buries the pain to recesses in my mind.
Alcohol numbs my dismay,
When evenings I daily find.

I can’t rewrite the words,
Though I try with all my might.
My mind replays what my ears heard.
My eyes remember every sight.

I saw her lips spew curses and pain.
Vehemently attacking every flaw.
Even my good traits were seen as stains.
Never was there a good thing that she saw.

Her own eyes could only see hatred.
Her past was one of abuse and misery.
As a child she was ill-fated.
So she passed on the family legacy.

I don’t blame her anymore,
But I will never understand.
My own children I adore.
They’ve been dealt a kinder hand.

While I need to learn to heal my past,
I won’t pass hatred to my little ones.
Some days feel dark and overcast.
But I won’t stop reaching for the sun.

©Stephanie Blomquist 2026